Healing UnResolved Trauma
I had a normal childhood. I have been in recovery X number of years. I'm active in the fellowship. I do service work. I sponsor people. I've been to therapy. I'm doing everything I know to do and I am doing my best. But
I still have problems.
I have problems with intimate relationships.
I have problems with anger.
I take things too personally.
I over react.
I don't enjoy my successes.
I feel like I am just getting by.
I feel like a phony. I live in fear of other people finding out the truth about me.
I have trouble relaxing.
I have problems with other addictions.
Nobody else is sharing this stuff at my meetings or if they do, they admit they don't know what to do about it.
Welcome home, my brave recovering warriors and warrior princesses.
These are symptoms of P.T.S.D. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The problem is that any current trauma, no matter how minor, connects us to the unresolved trauma we carry. It's not anger, it's rage. It's not fear, it's terror. And we are sooo lonely. Even when we are with people that love us, really love us, we can't feel it. Trauma is not the problem. It happens to everybody. The problem is unresolved trauma.
Maybe your childhood wasn't so normal. Maybe something terrible happened to you and your support system at the time was inadequate to help you resolve it. If you were raised with substance abuse and or depression, you got almost no support.
Inner Bonding teaches us, we only have two intentions: the intention to protect or the intention to learn. If we are carrying unresolved trauma then we are firmly stuck in the intention to protect. It's only natural that we would try to prevent further injury. We don't have boundaries, we have walls. When we live protecting ourselves from pain, we also live without love.
The battle for our souls is not so much between good and evil as it is between love and fear.
To risk loving, is to risk getting hurt. It's not OK to love but it's Ok to need and it's OK to use other people to try to meet those needs. We can be very dishonest and abusive.
Take a deep breath. Take another. This is the good news this website offers. All this can be healed. We can stop looking for love in addictions and find the intimacy we have always wanted. It's possible but it is not easy. We have to build a support system where we can feel safe enough to finally face our pain and our fears. Unfortunately many therapists are not trained to deal with these issues and some have not done their own inner work. And we are not easy to work with. We hide in our denial or try to cling to our therapists. Some ground breaking therapies are available: Innerbonding, EFT and EMDR.
The right therapist would understand the battle that rages inside of us between wanting and fearing love. There are many good books. We don't get help because we need it. We get help because we seek it. Pray, pray hard and ask for help. Welcome home.