I have had and most of us have had glimpses into the Infinite. They can actually make your life more miserable than ever when they fade. Where did it go? What did I do wrong? How do I get it back? In her latest book and CD's Gangaji addresses this yearning and grief directly.
Driven by a debilitating depression, I had been on a desperate search for someone or something that could give me relief. IB and Dr. Paul have really helped me in three important areas: getting me to take responsibility for my own inner world, showing me how I suffered from my own mistreatment and surrounding me with enough love to feel safe enough to learn from my pain and to break my heart wide open.
The unspoken message of IB to me has always been that there is enough love in the world to heal even your pain.
Two of my most powerful experiences happened at IB intensives. I could tell from Dr. Paul's reaction, they were not typical. I have had to look elsewhere for information and support. I investigated western and eastern religions and came up almost empty. There is a fringe group I was repeatedly drawn to. Mystics. They come from various religious backgrounds. They all value awareness and experience over knowledge and understanding and most of them say that this experience is available to all of us.
Gangaji, who doesn't claim to be a mystic or anything else, in THE DIAMOND IN YOUR POCKET asks what do you want enlightenment for?
The answer exposes the agenda behind the search.
She explains quickly that we get no thing out of enlightenment. That experiences by their very nature must pass. That we don't get to own it or control it.
My favorite word to describe these experiences is delicious, during these experiences I get to experience the deliciousness of life and myself as a part of it.
(This is a very liberal interpretation, sorry.)
Gangaji's message is STOP. Stop any searching, doing, itinerary or procedure you are using to get anything that you think you are missing or lacking. And realize that it is already here because you are it. You brought it with you (actually it brought you) and you can never be separated from it except in your mind.
I call it getting lost in the present moment or melting into the present moment. It's a choice to stop searching, denying and avoiding and just relax into this present situation with its attendant thoughts and feelings. If you are afraid, lose yourself in the fear, if you are in pain, lose yourself in the pain, then look for the source of it, the truth of it, the gift of it. She points out that seemingly negative emotions are just as much a part of life as love and bliss. That pain is necessary but suffering is optional.
She's the first person I have heard talk about the grief and shame of losing a spiritual experience. Her book is highly recommended as are her CD's: THE MOMENT OF CHOICE and INNOCENCE, TRUST AND SELF-BETRAYAL.
Although she gives no formula for waking up because it is something that I am not something that I do, certain aspects did stand out to me:
tell the truth
turn and face or meet whatever it is I have been avoiding
I have to make another apology here and also a shift. This, up to this point, has been a "how to" website. My life has been a "how to" search with a focus on healing. To sit with Gangaji, is to sit with the mystery, which can be profoundly frustrating and beautiful.
I can leave you with this:
I don't get it
I will never get it
And I have Gangaji
to thank for that
Thanks to her
It got me
It grabbed me
and loved me
right out of me
Some of the other benefits:
Meeting the fear under my depression
Meeting the sadness under that
Meeting the fears that ran my life
Meeting the feeling of unworthiness
Seeing how I used my relationships
to see myself reflected a certain way
As a result of that,
Being able to truly enjoy my own company.
At some point my perception of my life shifted from a comic tragedy to a tragic comedy. The joke was on me. The awareness of the suffering had never suffered.
Gangaji Just Stop on youtube